friendships

the longer i'm around my friends the more i realize how corrupt they are, well... not corrupt, but like so truly ignorant of their actions. the way they talk about people, the way they view things, the way they normalize a lot of wrong things. of course i'm not above these actions, i myself have many flaws, the difference is that i seek to change those flaws. 

and i feel like seeing them function in ways that are so out of touch is kinda humbling me, its also kinda helping me come to term with the fact that leaving them as people might not be the worst thing for me. 

i think that i'm more afraid of losing these bonds that i tried so hard to maintain, and worst of all hurt others in doing so.

here's the things, now that ive realized that i really dont want to stay with them it makes me want to move on as soon as possible, but it isnt as easy as it sounds because they play a huge role in my life, and thats exactly what i want to lessen.

i can sooo do this. i can do this. i can really do this. first step is finding other ppl to hang out with! i already have jana so that should  help me in class, but she has the right to spend time with her own friends as well, so im thinking i could also hang out with noura, maya, fatimah (joods ex friend), maryam baz, zeyd, and most of all myself.

i really need to start being okay with hanging out on my own, i think this is like a complex of mine that i've never really faced so i guess its a good thing that im finally getting to it.

My favorite websites!

MyMind this website is kinda like pinterest just full of soul, i love websites where you can personalize your own space and mymind just really spoke to me and made me feel at ease

The useless web is a website that takes you to a bunch of useless yet interesting websites made solely for entertainment. the creation of this project has been documented entirely on youtube (linked in the website) if you wanna check that out too. the websites vary from optical illusions to infinite cows.

Neal.fun this is a super cool website with tons of interesting games! like a ton of them are somewhat educational but if youre like me you'll still find them super fun!

Musicmap is a website that has all the music lore, it has really cool visiuals and its super interesting!

MusicTaste its a super cute space for music analysis, heres mine:

isnt this fire????

MusicRoamer this shows you the incredible web that connects your music based on taste, it's super fun to see how deep youve dived

SonicHits is just beautiful, it analyzes lyrics and explains them word for word

i'm back! 

i honestly havent blogged in a while.. its  not that nothing interesting happened, i just barely have time for myself these days.

we finally finished ramadan and now eid as well so im really relieved. its not that i dont like ramadan, its the opposite in fact, i LOVE it, but its really busy, TOO BUSY. like though we had a three week vacation i was busy for the entire three weeks so whats the point? from obligation to obligation to obligation!!! on the first day of eid i went to THREE family events! and not to mention my sleep schedule is unsalvageable, imagine sleeping at six AM everyday for three weeks, you get used to it.

also i have really happy/sad news.. i quit music :< :< :<

like i know this is a good thing and its so worth it in the end but music plays a big part in my identity. when i decided to start being serious about my choices one of the first things that i fixed was my choice in music! i stopped listening to music with vulgar language, stopped supporting controversial artists, and started exploring my own interests and finding myself in music. its really hard to stop doing something that you already have figured out, but honestly im kinda glad my journey stopped here. like ive made it so far and quitting here just makes sence yk? 

guys did you know im like more obscure than 99% of you guys?

this is obscurify! its a website that shows you how obscure your music taste is and compares to to other spoitify data (world wide + local)

anwyays yeah i wanna stop here where im a total winner ><

ALSO ALSO ALSO GUESS WHAT

WAIT DID I TELL U GUYS THE BAD NEWS? SO MY DIABOLIQUE CD DID IN FACT ARRIVE BUT I HAD THE WRONG LOCATION SO IT WENT ALL THE WAY BACK TO COLUMBIA UGH THIS MADE ME SO SAD FOR A GOOD THREE WEEKS LIKE IT WAS SOOOOO CLOSEEEEE

OKAY NOW GOOD NEWS!!!

I GOT TEN HIM CDS!!!!!!!

YES TENNNN AND THEYRE ALL SO BEAUTIFUL AND IM SOOOOOO HAPPY

i still want my diabolique cd tho :< :< :<

OKAY WAIT I'LL SHOW YOU THE SET FROM THE WEBSITE BECAUSE THE QUALITY OF MY LAPTOP CAM ISNT QUITE THE BEST

THEYRE ALL SO PRETTY AND BEAUTIFUL AND IM SOOOOO HAPPYY
تخيلو ان ما كانو بيوصلون عشان الحرب وكنت مررههه منقهرةةةةة

BAS NO THEY ARRIVEDDDD

oh yeah we're at war now.. yeah.. so i survived covid and an ongoing war? if colleges wont accept me then i guess my story isnt original enough 

anyways what its like? i wake up to the sound of warplanes and anticipate death every second of my day and thats about it, like i wanna say that this is so funny but then again its not? i hate america bro everything bad happening on earth is cause of them.

yesterday i found out that there were older versions of rayman????? like i fr throught rayman legends was the only one, and im glad i did, rayman origins looks mid tbh, sue me.