Last day of school...

I'm so happy to finish junior year, because frankly it's taken a suffocating eternity to get this over with. Junior year was really busy, like reallyyyy busy. I did so much, ELO, Hong Kong public poli acceptance, S.A..G.E., YWL, Ithraa interview, HCGCC, SAT, GAT, MiSK, its all been so much but ultimately at long last i got through it all!! Sure, I had a few breakdowns along the way but everything really did work out. Listing out my accomplishments rlly boosted my spirts but it's all to waste, because I'm dreading senior year. it's just the thought of being one step closer to legally becoming an adult terrifies me to my core. I know I'm usually one to face challenges head-on and leave my comfort zone but this is a whole different level. The postulation of it alone overwhelms me eminently. it fills me with anxiety. College petrifies me, esp if its abroad, its just such a huge decision that I'll ultimately have to make, and i just feel like I'm not ready, i feel too much like an adolescent for me to go to college-- I dont even know what I want to major!!! I have big dreams but what if i dont achieve them? What if i do achieve them?? i dont know what i want! And I likely never will! ugh there are just so many conflicting thoughts in my mind, i'm not ready. but at least its summer vacation i guess. happy summer vac.

 To Maya:

maya you are an amazing person youre funny you're smart and i know you'll go to great places. please never stop being kind, your kindness is so special, your empathy is distinct, your smiles brighten up a room, never lose that. when you go to college you'll meet all sorts of people, trust me this isnt the end to our chapter its the beginning of your bloom. our time to split was always going to happen despite our wishes against it. this is a really huge step, you're one step closer to becoming an independent adult and I'm so proud of you for it. It's really scary but then again so is every step we're going to take. I personally am dreading senior year because I know what happens next and I just want to stay in my cozy little nest where my worries are quite insignificant, i cannot fathom that one day I will be in charge of paying bills, but I've always wondered what it would be like. Uncharted territory is always scary, but sometimes that little boost is all you need, so trust me, Maya, you're going to do great. You're going to become your own person and discover yourself in like a gazillion new ways! Trust me you'll love college and the campus and broadening your social circle. As much as it is a nightmare it's still a dream

Senior Jackets

honestly the whole senior jacket thing feels so cringe to me like others might be fine with it but I know that if I got one it would be completely performative, because I generally dont like the thought of the "senior" jacket itself, you know? but in the end i did get one, but it isnt a senior jacket. well it might be considered a senior jacket but theres absolutely nothing on it that signals to senior year. to me it feels like i got myself a personalized jacket instead. i didnt add "class of" yadda yadda or "senior" anywhere on there and honestly I'm proud of myself. its kinda a bummer that my jacket is purple but in the end i got it to match with my friends, and i kinda owe it to them because my jackets design is almost completely different, their back has their name and 2027 senior. the process of choosing the patches was pretty fun, i feel like i organized my interests. im not going to show you the ones i added, i'm going to show you the ones that i didnt add, and when my jacket arrives you'll see my final choices!